Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.

I had a whole new post written about how excited I am about other things, but my gorram computer ATE IT. Ate it like a delicious burrito at Taco Bell. Fucking Microsoft, how I loathe thee. When you die, I will kick your carcass into the non-recyclable  pit of despair that is electronic HELL.

And it was a GOOD post, all heartfelt and apology-like. Now I have to re-create the entire thing from memory. That sucks big salty balls. And I’ve been drinking, um, juice. So I apologize in advance if this is messy. Sober Non-juicy me will surely fix my numerous typos. Without further ado…

I AM excited. Excited for several things at the moment, but excited in a different way.

(Pssssshhhhh…Wait a second… Red wants me to come into the living room to help him decide if this singer on MTV OnDemand is a really hot tranny or a girl from New Jersey. We’re leaning more to the Jersey side of things.)

Any way…

First, my baby sister is having her first baby soon. (Like in the next calendar month soon.) I couldn’t be happier because BABY OMG LITTLE FEET BABY CLOTHES SQUEE!  I’ve seen the 3D ultrasound, and trust me, this kid will be cute. Like Boo, he has big fat squirrel cheeks ripe for a-pinchin’ and I can’t wait to meet him. In fact, I think he’ll look a lot like Boo. Which a little creepy, because… ewww. That means my sister and I have similar taste in the men-who- inseminate-us. But it will be awesome. I’ve been shopping for this kid since before he was conceived.

Two: Red still has to propose to me. We call one another each others fiances, but so far, it’s not official. As in, big-fucking-rock-on-a-very-significant-finger official. Believe me, he’s requested my engagement  ring wish list, which is currently sitting on the nightstand beneath his earplugs. (Oh, how romantic.) To my knowledge, he  still hasn’t asked for my father’s blessing, which in the South is tantamount to  success. And if he has, I don’t wanna know until the last second. As per an unspoken (beyond our bedroom) agreement, the question will be coming in the near future. Woot.

III) We’re thinking about buying a house. Soon-ish. I find myself drawn to real estate magazines in the grocery store because, hey, we have to have a jumping off point. Sure, we haven’t talked about where we want to live, or even what kind of house we want to live in. But it is sure to be a BIG FRICKING DEAL when it happens. Duh. How well do you know me?

Cuarto (as in fourth, not cuatro=four, believe me): We want to have another baby. Not now. Oh, God. Not now. Not any time soon. But before I’m thirty, which is creeping closer every day and I don’t wanna talk about it. We’ve planned for it to happen sometime before my ovaries dry up and go on strike but after my biological clock starts keeping Red up asking for baby makin’ sex. So in the next three or four years-ish. But for now, we’re 99.9% protected, thanks to my good friend, Mirena. (Such a pretty name for a baby preventer, no?)

Finally, there’s Boo. Always Boo. That’s hopeful with a big capital H. I can’t wait to see what kind of person he will become, and how his multiple quirks will sort themselves out. He’s brilliant beyond doubt, so I can’t wait to watch him start preschool, which will cost more per year than I pay for my post secondary education.

But it will be totally worth it.

EDIT: Um, sorry for the language. I’ve toned it down a bit. There’s a sailor in me who likes to spring out when I’ve supplied enough of her favorite juice-y drink.


About Chelsie

Mommy. Beauty product whore. Plastic lawn flamingo enthusiast. Nosy neighbor. One day novelist.
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