When Good Plaid Goes Bad

Every Tuesday, I recap the previous week’s The Fashion Show Ultimate Collection for Charm Fashion. This is the uncensored version, which contains language that may be considered offensive by some. If you don’t like four letter words, stop reading now.

The Fashion Show Ultimate Collection Uncensored: Episode Four Recap

When Good Plaid Goes Bad

Let’s do this. I have a whole slew of plaid related humor to throw at you.

The designers meet Iman in front of the Museum of Natural History to get the details of their next  challenge. David declares that the sculpture in front of the building (which is actually a time capsule) looks like a vagina. Because of course it does. And the giant inflatable snow globe my neighbors decided to display on their front lawn looks like a single (well-lit) breast. Uh huh. We get it, David. You’re totally straight.

The Challenge: In the spirit of the giant vagina time capsule, the designers must create a garment inspired by the contents of one of the little time capsules scattered in front of them. Inside each of the time capsules is a group of objects reminiscent of a specific year in American history.

Some designers have an easier challenge than others, by virtue of the year they were assigned. Cesar, for instance, is given the year 2001. Even though 9/11 was nearly ten years ago, the events of that tragedy are still fresh in his mind, because he was actually in NYC that day.

The Twist: Iman reveals her (secret?) love of plaid and explains that each of the designers must use this oft-abused pattern in their design. And let the lumberjack jokes begin.

At the fabric store, the designers unearth bolts of fabric, each more hideous than the next. Dominique admits that she’s scared of plaid, and she has a reason to be. Even with the most innovative design they can muster, there’s always the chance that both houses will send an army of walking picnic cloths down the runway.

The House of Nami decides to blend Dom Cesar’s tragic New York City box with Golnessa’s 1950s housewife-y idea and winds up with a bunch of similar plaid prints and neutral colors. The House of Emerald opts for a futuristic metallic theme—which made no sense to me AT ALL—considering they received boxes containing items from 1976, 1969, and 1957. I guess futuristic equals fashion forward in their minds?

The consultations with Isaac Mizrahi don’t go well. He tells each of the houses that their designs are “disparate”—which fashion speak for ugly and off kilter. In other words, both houses need to get their stuff together and produce something fabulous, because the judges aren’t going to take whiny pleas of, “Oh, the fabric was so ugly and hard to work with!” as a valid excuse for a poorly executed collection.

Work begins on the collections, and David insists on using Dominique as a living, breathing dress form while blatantly staring down her shirt. Dominique can barely contain her childish giggles, and something tells me that off-camera, she passes David a note that reads, “Do you like me? Check Yes or No.”

Meanwhile, Calvin is working high heels again, Jeffery struts around in a Marilyn Monroe wig, and Ro decides to make a dress with piping, even though he has never done piping before. In the eleventh hour, Ro decides to trash the dress and start afresh, because not even Dom Cesar’s intervention can help.

The Runway Show: Oh my God, y’all. Both houses put out collections so snooze-inducing that I literally have to take a walk around the room to avoid falling asleep in the middle of the show. The House of Nami’s collection is coherent, but nothing to write home about. The House of Emerald has a little more trouble with their garments. Golnessa’s zipper breaks right before her model is due on the catwalk, and Cesar’s model is given a split second to don his hurried second look, with so much unflattering volume about the hips that  it looks like his model is trying to smuggle a tiny person down the runway.

And the winners are… I’m not sure how the judges chose a winner out of all this mess. It was definitely a “lesser of two evils” type of thing, and ultimately, the House of Emerald comes out on top, breaking the House of Emerald’s three-win streak. Isaac Mizrahi tells Jeffery that he would “copy this dress” and he’s equally impressed with Golnessa’s 1950s-housewife-on-a-three-day-bender dress.

Designers: Jeffery (top) and Golnessa (bottom)

Jeffery is named the winner. Congratulations Jeffery, your model looked lumberjack chic. Now she’ll fit right in with the log-rolling crowd at a county fair.

The losers this week…The judges tell the House of Nami that their designs have made them the losing team. “Now it’s time to see what it feels like to be on the other side,” Iman declares. Since Eduardo won the last challenge, he is safe. Likewise, Dominique’s over-the-top grunge look saves her from the chopping block. The judges also love Calvin’s perfect skirt—whose odd calf-length proportion makes it look perfectly horrendous.

That leaves poor Ro and David as the bottom two.

Designers: Rolando (top) and David (bottom)

Ro knows that his dress was poorly constructed. But his passion for design is clearly evident during the judging. When asked by the judges why he should stay, David shrugs his shoulders and mumbles something to the tune of “this being [his] profession.” Really, David. Really? That’s the best you could come up with? Dominique steps to her crush’s defense and bullies him into manning up. That’s enough for the judges to allow him to stay. That means Ro is out of fashion, and we’ll live to see if a Fashion Show love child will spring from David and Dominique’s flirtations.

The Fashion Show Ultimate Collection airs every Tuesday at 10/9 Central on Bravo.

***All images courtesy of BravoTV.com

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About Chelsie

Mommy. Beauty product whore. Plastic lawn flamingo enthusiast. Nosy neighbor. One day novelist.
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