Loudmouth, thy name is toddler

At the tender age of two, Boo is a flirt. If he spies anything with boobies in his peripheral vision, he turns on the charm. I’m not exaggerating when I say groups of old ladies will follow us around in public cooing about how adorable his curls are.

I will show this to the first girl he ever brings home. That kind of evens out the score, what with him having a 13 inch head at birth and all.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I think they were right. He is adorable. But the poor kid’s missing the tact filter between his brain and his mouth, just like his mama.

Scene: Walmart, 8:30 tonight. I was putting groceries on the checkout belt while Boo tried to persuade me that he was going to die if he didn’t get a sucker. The cashier laughed at him (again with the adorableness, gah!) and mentioned how stupid was to even keep suckers that close to the register.

When we were done, Boo yelled “Bye bye!” over my shoulder as we were walking away. And before we were even ten feet from the register, he added in the stage whisper we’d been practicing so he could go to church with my parents, “Mommy, was that a boy or a girl?”

Y’all, I died right there.

Admittedly, the person was rather androgynous looking, but her (?) nametag was emblazoned with the name ‘Kerol’. Boo can’t read very well (yet) so he gets a pass on this one. But oy vey. My kid? Has a mouth that’s gonna get him in a lot of trouble over the next eighteen or so years.

We’re so screwed.


About Chelsie

Mommy. Beauty product whore. Plastic lawn flamingo enthusiast. Nosy neighbor. One day novelist.
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7 Responses to Loudmouth, thy name is toddler

  1. Don’t worry. You will get your chance to pay the kid back. A good start is that photo destined for the eyes of his first girlfriend. But I’d start writing stuff down so you don’t get all googoo about his cuteness and then forget. Because when he hits his teen years, you’re going to want that list. šŸ˜‰

    • Chelsie says:

      Right up at the top of that list is the time we were in sitting down to dinner at Olive Garden with my parents and he decides to announce to the ENTIRE restaurant, “Mommy, I’m POOPING!”

  2. Jennifer says:

    This reminds me of the time my youngest was learning about body parts and asked if Mommy had a penis while we were walking past someone in the parking lot of a restaurant.

    From one parent of a loud mouth to another… You ARE so screwed šŸ™‚

  3. Sara says:

    LOL! My son had curls like that… I cut them when someone complemented my pretty little girl. And sidenote.. when my son was in kindergarten the did a drug awareness week. Around that time we went to Olive Garden and to my son’s horror we ordered wine. He (very LOUDLY) started crying in a manner that suggested someone had told him there were no more lollipops to be had EVER and wailed ” My parents are doing Dddddrrruuugsss!!! WAhhhhhhh! Sob! Cry!

    We left and yes, it was a long night.

    • Chelsie says:

      Oh my GAWD! That is awful… but it totally reminds me of myself at age 5. My dad was taking me to soccer practice and he cracked open a Coke while driving. I burst into tears and screamed, “Dad! You’re not supposed to drink and drive! We’re going to DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!”

  4. Pingback: Mommy the Santa Claus Murderer | Three Ring Mom

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