Writing Assignment: The Sexy Edition

I’m going to switch gears a little bit today. My last few posts haven’t gotten a lot of response, so I can only figure that 1) I’m not funny any more, or 2) you’ve all wised up and figured out that I’m not really that interesting. Or it’s a combination of the two.

Whatever. I’ll try to fix it.

I love this chick, and not just because she invented the Twitter #wineparty.

I have a huge girl crush on one of the bloggers on my Blog Roll. Her name is Kit (not really) and her site is effing brilliant. Mostly because it’s about sex. Lots of it. But it’s also about her kids and husband, and she’s funny without trying too hard. She’s the kind of blogger I’d love to be.

Except that I’m afraid to write about S-E-X. I don’t blog anonymously, and a lot of my readers are family, friends, and even former teachers. It seems a little… dirty to write about the biological act that makes the world go ’round.

But Red and I have been together for nearly four years. We have a two year old son. We live together. We’re getting married next year. It doesn’t take a math genius to put two and two together to make four in this equation of love.

And yet…

I’m just not that brave. So instead of telling you about Super Sexy time in the Three Ring Mom house, I’m going to take a leaf out of Kit’s (mostly safe for work) handbook and ask for a little reader participation. You can comment anonymously, use fake e-mail addresses, or do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable–I promise I won’t try to figure out who you are–or you can fly your freak flag high and use your real info. Whatever gets your wheels turning. But play a game with me.

The game goes like this: In one hundred words or less, I want you to tell me about the weirdest, funniest, hottest, or most embarrassing sexual experience you’ve ever had. Have you ever gotten it on in the stacks at a college library? Or have your kids ever, ahem, caught you in the heat of passion? I want to hear about it.*** You can be as descriptive or vague as you want, as long as you don’t use words that rhyme with ‘punt’, ‘hussy’, or ‘rock.’ (Because I’m squeamish and that kind of language makes me want to run to the nearest church confessional.)

Have fun with it. Subscribe to the comments to see other people’s responses. Who knows, this reader participation thing may become a regular thing up in here.

***I want to hear about it, unless it’s something illegal. Obviously. I reserve the right to delete any comment that I deem inappropriate.
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About Chelsie

Mommy. Beauty product whore. Plastic lawn flamingo enthusiast. Nosy neighbor. One day novelist.
This entry was posted in Internetland, Mature, Mom Don't Read This, The Month of Blogging Dangerously and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Writing Assignment: The Sexy Edition

  1. Pingback: Back off, Judgy McJudgerson | Three Ring Mom

  2. once i got caught havind sex with my boyfriend, his parents didn’t know he was gay…

  3. Rachael says:

    One time my partner and I were at our local pizza place and ordered a few batches of chicken wings. I like mine extra spicy, so I ordered the devilish suicidal (they were delicious, but besides the point). Later that night we starting getting down and I went to put my hand on “my lady part”. Well, the burning was so intense from leftover suicide sauce (that I had believed I washed off ), that I started screaming for help like a deranged raccoon. I ran and stood in the bathtub splashing water in vain attempts to rid my lady VJ of the horrible burning! Wings still make me cringe.

    • Chelsie says:

      Holy freaking geez. That makes my ulcer hurt. And I’m pretty sure my lady bits have gone into hiding just thinking about how badly that burned. GAH. DO NOT WANT.

  4. Sarah says:

    We had a similar incident to the one with the hot wings above, but instead it involved the “Hawaiian” brand of sun screen. OY! The pineapple smell kinda makes my stomach turn. lol

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