Feelings? I has them.

And preshus, these feelings? They has been bruised.

I’ve never been a very popular person. Part of that is due to my somewhat, ahem, abrasive nature. To put it bluntly, a lot of people think I’m a bitch.

But I’m really not. I’m just awkward. Basically, I’ve had my foot planted firmly in my mouth for the majority of my life. Try as I might, things come out of my mouth when I don’t mean for them to. I’m constantly wishing that I could take things back, so a lot of what goes on in my head sounds like, “Shut your damn mouth already, Chelsie. Shut up, shut UP, SHUT UP!” I can’t help myself. I lack the tact filter between my brain and my mouth that most normal people seem to develop around age five.

I really shouldn’t make excuses for my behaviour. I’m kind of a lost cause. There’s nothing I can do about it but try to keep my mouth shut and carry around a big fucking shovel to dig myself out of all these holes.

So why am I so bothered by a teeny tiny, little bitty, miniscule slight that didn’t even happen in real life?

Long story short, there’s a pretty major blogger who seems to have some latent beef with me, and for the love of all that is good and holy, I can’t figure out what the fuck it is. Not too long ago, I started following her on Twitter. I’ve linked to her site and mentioned how much I like her writing. I felt kind of starstruck when she left a comment on one of my posts–like, hey! someone quasi-well known just acknowledged my existence! Almost immediately after that, I started to get the feeling that something I had done rubbed her the wrong way.

Comments I’ve made on her posts have mysteriously gone missing, though there was nothing offensive or objectionable about them. At one point, she sort of accused me of dirty hustling her ideas and implied that I was piggybacking on her success.

(Pretty sure that’s not the case when go you go out of your way to link back, attribute, and basically prostrate yourself before their precious fucking feet. Amirite?)

I don’t know. Maybe it’s all in my imagination–I’m notoriously poor on picking up on sarcasm–but I’m pretty sure this chick thoroughly dislikes me. I know I’m not even a blip on her radar, so I shouldn’t be bothered by this. But I am. The best thing for me to do would be to forgot all about it. Unfollow her, delete her from my reading list, and move on with my life. Because that’s what an adult would do. But part of me really just wants to curl up in a little ball with my security blanket and rock back and forth while I listen to some Norwegian death metal.

However, I’m not really good at playing this whole ‘mentally stable, productive adult’ game, so I’ll probably dwell on it for a while.  Check back in say, three or four hours? I should be okay by then. Or at least medicated.

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About Chelsie

Mommy. Beauty product whore. Plastic lawn flamingo enthusiast. Nosy neighbor. One day novelist.
This entry was posted in I should probably just apologize ahead of time, Internetland, Nerdness, No one else will think this is funny, Ranty rant and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Feelings? I has them.

  1. Maibel says:

    Interesting, seems like you and i have 2 things in common: i can’t stay shut i’m always arguing and i write. i’m not what you would call popular but some of my poems are
    (i gave the nuns a my school school a note book full of poems i wrote and they published for some fund raiser for their convent XD, i told them not to put my name on it, to put the convent as the author… i was dammed surprised when i saw many of the student body with those books at school.)

    • Maibel says:

      and don’t pay attention to any bitch, i love the way you write, its real not some cheap imitation of life like many do.

  2. Kay Bee says:

    You know the saying: “Imitation is the greatest form of flattery.” (Or something like that.)
    Don’t worry about it; whoever the blogger is shouldn’t feel threatened or anything just because you wanted to pick up on an idea she put down. (In fact, I’m pretty sure you linked back to her and said it was based on her idea, no?)

    • Chelsie says:

      Yep. I linked back to her site in the original post–and THAT post got picked up by WordPress’s Idea Team so she was getting loads of traffic that way.

  3. Mishelle says:

    I am notorious for saying things I seriously wish I never had… I am notorious for it. That voice in your head screaming at you to shut up, I know it.

    Enjoy the death metal and rocking – ’cause I know you’re going to do it no matter what anyone says. I end up thinking (read obsessing) about mine for days later. It fades when I do something else or something happens to me that I can obsess about instead. When you come out of it and look around I hope you’ll feel a bit better.

    M

    • Chelsie says:

      I felt better just writing all of that. Like cheap-o therapy. It’s probably a little childish, but… Meh. I’m a little childish.

      • Mishelle says:

        It is cheap-o therapy… sometimes just getting what is inside your head out helps immensely, that’s the best reason to write. Sad, happy, pissed or just there – those feelings come out and you feel better.

        M

  4. Sarah says:

    I don’t usually say hugely stupid things, but when I do I never realize it right away. It’s always like… the next morning in the shower when my mind is just drifting back on my day before and it’s like I hear a record scratch …. SCREECH! and I think to myself…. “holy shit, Sarah… did you REALLY say that???”

    Yeah. That’s no fun either. lol

    • Chelsie says:

      Give me a margarita and I turn into the world’s biggest ass. Like donkey ass, not asshole ass. I literally can’t stop talking. It’s word vomit, and it’s ugly.

  5. C. says:

    I have foot IN mouth disease too. But if you cited and attributed like a good blogger, and you ARE, you have nothing to blame yourself for, and you don’t have accept her blaming you either. The beauty of the internet is that you don’t really have a relationship with her beyond what you decide.

  6. mairedubhtx says:

    I feel the same way sometimes. I get upset about the littlest slight, like someone putting “Nice Parking” on my car when my tire was 4 inches over the line. What do I care? I get all gaga when someone likes my post and try to not copy someone’s blogging idea, except when they are from a prompt. But I get upset. Maybe we’re just sensitive people.

    • Chelsie says:

      I’m definitely overly sensitive. Sometimes I’ll lay in bed at night and go through all the little things that have bothered me. It’s not healthy at all, but I can’t help it.

  7. Rhi says:

    The etiquette and politics of blogging are so damn hard to keep up with. It’s so new, there are no set rules or books we can read to make sure we’re doing it right.

    I say… don’t worry about it. She might be a well known blogger but she’s not ‘better’ or ‘above’ anyone else. She’s not even someone you ‘know’, just some words over a screen. If shes acting this way, then she just seems a little silly to be honest! Let her have her tantrum, there are a million other good blogs out there you can read 😉 xxx

    • Chelsie says:

      Holy hell, blogging etiquette freaks me the fuck out. I try not to dirty hustle–I’ll always link back to the person whose idea I’ve used–and most of the time, I even let that person know ahead of time that I’m going to do it. That’s all I can really do, right?

  8. This is ironic because I’ve been so impressed by YOUR blog. I read it for days on end, so jealous of your writing ability, wishing I could be Just Like You!

    I am brand new to blogging and Three Ring Mom motivated me to jump in and give it a try. Since I’m the Wanna-Be, that makes you the Popular Girl!

    Keep writing, I enjoy every minute of it!

    • Chelsie says:

      Wow, that’s so flattering. But please don’t be jealous. There’s nothing here to be jealous about. I’m just airing my particular brand of crazy out there in the open for everyone to see.

  9. kate says:

    awww i read this and i can say – her loss. i am guessing if she was that upset after all you did to try to credit her, then she is the one obsessing and oversensitive. not you! My sister suffers from awkward-lack-of-filter-itis which hinders friendships but THEIR LOSS because they then miss out on honest feedback and unfailing loyalty. I appreciate your writing and your lack of filter! perhaps i find it oddly familiar haha

    You just keep doing what you do – the interwebs has zillions of peeps and you dont need anyone that high maintenance in your community 😉

  10. katie says:

    Awhh. I had a strange experience after realizing a friend request from a chick on facebook
    who called herself “Princess” and all 290 profile photos of her alone happened to be a regular commented blog subscriber. She is nuts. I had 40 “likes” and weird wall posts about the word grok she wanted me to Google. When I went to her blog she had been writing about our “friendship” for 6 months. It freaked me out. Now I got used to her and adore her sweet attempts to send handmade shit to me in the mail. Maybe this Blogger had creepy things like that and jumped to conclusions! I find your abrasive humor refreshing and am glad you weren’t raptured.

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