License to Ill

It’s hard to write this without sounding petty and childish, but…. WAH! AM SICK. WANT MY MOMMY.

It doesn’t help that Boo is sick, too. The Three Ring Mom house is a veritable incubator of viral plague, so anyone who wants to visit better come over decked out in Hazmat suits, double fisting cans of Lysol. And while you’re at it, bring me some vodka. You know, for the disinfecting…

Whatever. Screw you. Am sick. Hurts to punctuate correctly.

It all started last Friday morning. Boo was supposed to be heading over to Red’s parents’ house for the weekend while we went to to the bank to do some very important adult-like things (talking to lenders, begging, offering sacrifices to Satan and the Chairman of the Fed, etc.) as well as giving our resident unwelcome guest a sage enema. But when he didn’t wake up by 10:00, I knew something was wrong.

The first thing I noticed was the rosy, blooming spots on his cheeks. Normally, my son is about as pale as pale gets thanks to all his daddy’s Irish blood, so seeing those red little cheeks triggered my panic reflex. Enter my typical handflapping and running from room to room screaming, “Red! The baby is SICK!” while I tried to remember where I had hidden the bottle infant’s tylenol and thermometer. (Turns out, they were, um, in the bathroom drawer. Where they were supposed to be. Huh.)

True to his nature, Boo wouldn’t go down without a fight when I tried to take his temperature. I literally had to wrestle him into a pretzel hold to get the damned thermometer close enough to his temple to get an accurate reading. The whole process was… sweaty. And not fun. Red stood in the doorway just watching me struggle to hold our thirty-two pound two year-old still. A few years ago, he would have laughed at me, but now he knows better. Or rather, he knows I have excellent aim.

Finally, the thermometer beeped. 102 degrees.


We threw Boo in a lukewarm bath and resolved ourselves to a weekend of sleepless nights and constant hovering. By Sunday, he seemed to be on the mend so we went to my parents’ house for Mother’s Day. By Monday morning, we were both sick.

Y’all, I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck full of raw sewage. I’ve been running a high(ish) fever on and off all day. I’m drugged to the gills. My head feels all floaty and disconnected, and I’m having trouble paying attention to anything for more than fifteen seconds at a time.

Also: mucus! Lots of it.

So I think I’ll say good night before something shiny distracts me. Oh! There’s a squirrel in the front yard!

About Chelsie

Mommy. Beauty product whore. Plastic lawn flamingo enthusiast. Nosy neighbor. One day novelist.
This entry was posted in Boo, Casper the unfriendly ghost, No one else will think this is funny, Ranty rant, Red and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to License to Ill

  1. Maibel says:

    for fevers you shouldn’t use warm baths… consider this: your body is hot and you are getting it hotter. try cool water that will refresh you, or at least thats what doctors in my country say (dominican republic)

    • Chelsie says:

      Lukewarm means ‘room temperature’. It was shockingly cold for the poor little critter. I felt awful doing to, but it brought down his fever almost immediately.

  2. Michelle says:

    Ugh. Sounds like you guys have what I had. Get thee to the nearest Chick-Fil-A and get a couple of large bowls of chicken noodle soup. It’s about the only way I survived. (Did I mention I was sick and trying to pack/move when it was that time of the month? I’ve just been a barrel of fun these past two weeks.)

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad. 😦 Get better soon.

  3. Rhi says:

    yugh being sick is the worst, I hope you all get better soon!! xx

    • Chelsie says:

      Thanks. I wouldn’t wish this cold on my worst enemy. That person is, of course, that girl from high school who always had perfect hair. Gah.

  4. mairedubhtx says:

    So sorry you are all sick. Bummer. Get better soon.

  5. “Also: mucus!” may be the best line I’ve ever ready.

    Feel better!

  6. Sarah says:

    I’ve also recently emerged from Mucus World. My two week stay at this destination was NO FUN during the last two weeks of class! GAH!

    • Chelsie says:

      Funny story: I once carried a full BOX of tissues to a final exam. I had some kind of righteous sinus infection, and of course I couldn’t leave the room while I was taking the test. I just brought a Walmart bag to throw all my disease ridden snotty Kleenex into. And let me tell you, my classmates REALLY appreciated all the honking and blowing I did during that hour and a half.

  7. Sandy says:

    Ick! Pew! Yuck! Damn, Chelsie, hope you feel better soon! No fun being sick when you have to take care of someone else who is sick. Come to think of it, it’s never fun being sick. But you can always make it a great excuse for a Hot Toddy. It’ll knock that crap out of you after you pass out 😉

  8. Jean C. says:

    Hope you feel better soon Chelsie!

    • Chelsie says:

      Thanks. This thing, whatever it started out as, has morphed into something else entirely. I’m about 6000% certain I’ve got a nasty sinus infection. It’s a whole helluva lot of fun, lemme tell you.

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