Guess what? WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE. Soon(ish). Maybe. Probably. At some point. Because you know, the rapture is supposed to happen at 6:00 PM today.
But… It’s after 6:00 in most of the world, and we’re all still here. As far as I know, no one has been poofed out of existence, and there have been no extraordinary or catacylsmic events heralding the end of times. There was some kind of volcanic eruption in Iceland, but come on. That’s gotta be some kind of weird coincidence.
When I went to Walmart this afternoon to get a tire fixed, a group of ten or fifteen rather, ahem, zealous people were standing on the side of the road with their children(!), waving signs with scripture passages about how all the unworthy souls were going to burn in the fiery pits of Hades for all eternity. I contemplated buying some posterboard so I could stand beside them holding a sign that said HONK IF YOU’RE UNWORTHY! but Red told me that would be in poor taste. (Good thing he didn’t know that what I really wanted to do was place some empty clothes and shoes filled with dry ice in our front yard. Now that would have been tacky.)
But just in case I was wrong about you know, dying, I did a little prep work: a little lady grooming, because I didn’t want to end up at the Pearly Gates with hairy business. I painted my nails with a gel acrylic overlay, in case I needed to do some Holy Eye Gouging. And I cleaned the toilet in the guest bathroom. Because, um, I didn’t want my decidedly unworthy landlord to know how filthy my family really is after we were all raised into the Blessed Lightness.
I think I’m ready. How about you?