I bet Jesus would have used HIS turn signal.

Y’all, I’m pretty sure I saw Jesus today at Walmart.

So there Boo and I were, circling the parking lot for a spot close enough to the door so that the heat wouldn’t melt out our eyeballs Raiders of the Lost Ark style, when I spotted Him.

(To be clear, that’s Jesus, Lord and Saviour, not Jesus, migrant worker. Because, you know, there are a lot of Hay-suesses in my neck of the woods.)(Or maybe Hay-suessi?)

I have to admit that after all these years, I pictured him a little different. Like, less white, I guess. But there he was, pushing a cart with a fifty pound bag of cat food across the boiling pavement, flowing white robes billowing with each step he took. The beard, the rope sandals, everything short of a flight of Seraphim trailing after him. He looked legit.

“Look, Boo,” I whispered, “there’s Jesus.”

He thought for a second. “No, Mommy. ‘snot Jesus. That’s not funny.” Just like that. Like I had offended him or something.

“Maybe it is, baby. You never know about these things. Jesus is sneaky, like the Easter Bunny. Or Santa Claus.”

I guess that part convinced him, because Boo leaned over in his seat, flapped his arms up and down, and yelled, “HI, JESUS!” at the top of his lungs.


Best trip to Walmart. EVER.

(Also? Jesus drives a Prius. Just in case you were wondering.)

About Chelsie

Mommy. Beauty product whore. Plastic lawn flamingo enthusiast. Nosy neighbor. One day novelist.
This entry was posted in Boo, I should probably just apologize ahead of time, No one else will think this is funny, Only Vaguely Offensive, Weirdness and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to I bet Jesus would have used HIS turn signal.

  1. mairedubhtx says:

    Most interesting Jesus sighting I’ve heard of.

  2. Wow! I’ve always thought of Jesus as a dog person.

    Great story!!

  3. bobbo says:

    Loved the page from the coloring book. Where can I buy one? I must get out my King of King Crayolas from my Rapture Chest and color. Jesus looks in control of that dinosaur.
    Boo strikes me as an intelligent child who knows proper etiquette for greeting Jesus (King of Kings, Lord of Lords Jesus). Little children are so intuitive.
    Glad my friend sent the link to read this post. Most excellent.

  4. Kay Bee says:

    I wonder what Zombie Jesus was doing with cat food. :/

  5. Stacey says:

    That is all kinds of awesome!

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