Everybody should believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.

Someone once told me that if you can name three positive things that happened during the day, everything isn’t as bad as it sounds in your head. So far, these are my positives for today:

1) At the moment,  I’m still successfully converting oxygen to carbon dioxide. That makes me one step more evolved than certain forms of bacteria, or so my fancy-schmancy edumacation tells me.

2) Three rabbits and one squirrel tried to commit suicide by throwing themselves in front of my tires. I thwarted their dying wishes.

3) I am no longer the most hated person on my block. That honor now belongs to my (new) redneck neighbor, whose frequently visiting friends have an enormous rebel flag hanging in the rear window of their broke-ass Chevelle. Our neighborhood is something like 50% black now, so I’m pretty sure it’s not my car’s tires that will get slashed in the dead of night.

*****

But I’m pretty sure the person who gave me that advice was a fat fucking liar full of shit, because even after naming three positive things about today, karma is still out to fuck me. Fuck me with a capital FAIL:

1) My cat, the awesome Mr. Kitty, killer of all things fluffy and squee, had to have major surgery on his right rear leg yesterday. We don’t know how it happened, but he managed to break his leg near the point where the fibula articulates with the tarsus and tear all the ligaments there. Um, compundly. So there were little bits of bone sticking out of his skin. (Or something like that. The vet explained it really well with all sorts of diagrams and x-rays, but all I could think about was blood and gore and STITCHES mah poor furry baby!)

After he comes home, he’ll be confined in a pen with a splint for the next three to six weeks. Even after all that, we’re not sure if he’ll even have use of the leg. Worst case scenario: we’ll end up with a three-legged cat. It just makes me sick to think about.

2) I got summoned for jury duty. In a state I haven’t voted or claimed residence in for over two years. And they want me to be there starting June 20. I’ll have to jump through all sorts of red tape to prove residence in another state because someone couldn’t be bothered to update the county register.

3) Boo decided to play Picasso again. And that’s all I’ll say about that.

*****

So you better not go all Judgy McJudgerson on my ass, because IMMA HAVE ME ANOTHER DRANK. And then cry into my jury summons.

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About Chelsie

Mommy. Beauty product whore. Plastic lawn flamingo enthusiast. Nosy neighbor. One day novelist.
This entry was posted in Anger!, Boo, Family, No one else will think this is funny and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Everybody should believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.

  1. Michelle says:

    1) Poor Mr. Kitty! I’m so sorry. I hope he gets better soon.

    2) That sucketh mightily. Yay for bureaucracy! I hope you get it straightened out quickly.

    3) Oh. Oh, God. That’s horrific. I’m going to send you duct tape diapers or something.

  2. mairedubhtx says:

    Hope Mr. Kitty will be all right. It seems I am forever getting jury summons for the small magistrates courts. It’s not too bad because it’s near my house and not downtown. But Mostly you just sit around doing nothing but reading while the comabbatents hash it our in the hall. I did serve on one jury that was ridiculous. The woman was speeding and couldn’t speak English and contested it. She lost.

  3. Aw. I’m sorry! But also? I’m glad for your ability to make others laugh, despite your woes . . .

  4. Stacey says:

    I hope Mr. Kitty recovers well.
    The last time I got summoned for jury duty, there was a space to correct your address on the form, so I did (I was in a different town). A short while later I got a letter saying I didn’t have to show up because I lived in the wrong place. Score!

  5. niek1928 says:

    Hi Chelsey – Same: glad for your ability to make others laugh. Haha.
    – neighbors read your WP?
    – karma is karma
    – juror: work on it
    – I happen to know 2 cats on 3 legs seemingly they survive happy. (read 3 legs each).
    – Send Boo to Amsterdam, I’m fed up with Rembrandt here in the Rijksmuseum. In due time I mean. For now: let him paint! Give him tools and lots of canvasses. – warm greeted – Niek

    P.S. House clean? /N.)

  6. Pingback: Someone hold muh earrings. This could get ugly. | Three Ring Mom

  7. jax_bm says:

    I was okay until I got to the part about the Chevelle with the rebel flag in the window. Then I started to laugh. Big, snorty, tears-streaming-down-my-face, gasping-for-air guffaws. My people, my people! Were there numbers painted on the car, maybe with a can of Krylon from Sprawl-Mart?

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