So, I got bored today and then this happened:
For those of you who live under a rock, this is breading, and it’s the hottest new internet meme. For crazy cat ladies, any way. Gawker says:
Forget planking. All the cool kids are putting their cats in bread and taking pictures of them looking like little yeasty lions. “Breading” is a throw-back to the old Japanese “putting-food-on-rabbits”meme of the early viral web, but with a modern twist.
The wacky meme of breading cats has exploded in recent months, propelled by the internet. There’s an official Facebook page with more than 9,000 likes, and a popular post on the hip blogging platform Tumblr. So, it is now an official meme according to Internet Law.
So basically, it’s just another thing you can do to make your pet look stupid. Because dressing them up in clothes isn’t bad enough. But you can’t just go around breading your feline companion willy nilly. There are rules:
1) Take a piece of bread (If this is your first time, use a soft white bread. Experienced breaders will use rye or even multigrain.)
2) Cut a hole approximately 1 inch larger than your cat’s head. This trips some people up. Remember: the bread has to fit around the not just the cat’s head, but it’s ears, too.
3) Gently place the bread around your cat’s head.
4) Take a picture. Post it to the official in-bread cat Facebook page.
My cat is laid back. He has to be to survive in this family, what with all the pokey little pre-schooler fingers constantly being shoved in the general direction of his eye-holes. He puts up with Boo’s not-so-gentle ministrations until he gets fed up with it, at which point he whacks Boo on the head and runs away. Wash, rinse, repeat, at least four times a day.
So I figured Kitty wouldn’t mind too much if I shoved a piece of 7 Grain Honey Oat bread on his head.
In the interest of science, I decided to see if he was pissed off simply because he disliked my choice of bread. I had some old tortillas in the fridge, so I cut a hole in one and shoved it over his humongo cranium.
I took approximately eleventy-million pictures, and they all turned out the same. He looks completely pissed off in every single one. So much barely contained rage. You can practically see him plotting his revenge, like he wants to warn me that I need to lock up my prized possessions tonight.
Finally, he’d had enough.
And that was the end of that. I tried it later with a whole wheat pita, but no dice. He had wised up to my antics and spent the rest of the evening hiding under the kitchen table. I plan to apologize later by getting him super, blazing high with some primo catnip. That shit fixes everything. I hope.
Now it’s your turn! Stuff your pet’s head into the carbohydrate of your choice and then send them to me! I’ll share the best ones later so we can all delight in your animal’s shame.
ETA: I *just* realized that the title of this post kind of sounds like I rolled my cat in delicious panko bread crumbs so I could fry him up and serve him family style with a side of honey mustard. But rest assured–he’s definitely alive and still pissed off. No cats were harmed in the production of this post.
ETA 2: It also bears mentioning that I completed this post while watching the episode of My Strange Addiction about the lady who ate cat treats and cat food every day. I’m positive this is the point people will later point out as the start to my dark and twisty descent into madness. Probably.