TRM Gets an Award (and the Peasants Rejoice)

Y’all, I have the best friends. Some of them even think that my sarcasm and gift for using creative four-letter words when I talk about my child deserves to be rewarded.

Blame my bequeather not for the spelling, for I know that the grammar ninja in her weeps to see such blatant misuse of the English language.

My very best-good friend Michelle from The Barenaked Critic bestowed the Kreativ Blogger Award upon Three Ring Mom, and I couldn’t be more honored. You guys need to visit her site and thank her profusely (monetary compensation is welcomed) (or some naked-y pictures if you’re an attractive, single, successful male of the heterosexual persuasion) for giving me my very first award for excellence in blogging.

In the real world of blogging (the one where you’re supposed to write daily to keep your readers entertained and shit) the Kreativ Blogger Award comes with the caveat that I list ten true-ish things about myself and then pass the award on to 6 more deserving internet-y people.

FUCK THAT.

I only read five blogs regularly. And I don’t use any kind of internet sorcery to get to them (ahem, Google Reader) because that both frightens and intimidates me. Besides The Barenaked Critic, I read Amalah, The Bloggess, The Barefoot Foodie, and Overflowing Brain on a daily basis. I stalk follow each of them on Twitter, and all of them are internet superstars in their own niches. Basically, these are the people you would stare at from afar at conferences like BlogHer because you’re too damn intimidated to actually talk to them face to face. In fact, I’m pretty sure I would drop dead right here and now if any one of them acknowledged the fact that I passed on this award to their sites.

That being said, I’m going to name Katie from Overflowing Brain as the recipient of my Kreativ Blogger Award because a) she bakes stuff on a regular basis that makes me want to lick my computer screen and b) I’m more excited for the impending birth of her child than I am for meeting the spawn of some of my real life friends. Also, she is awesome enough to reply to her tweets and blog comments, so I’ve had the pleasure of corresponding with her online.

So now I guess I’m supposed to tell you so “facts” about myself. If I’m being honest, this is kind of tough. I know no one really wants to know this shit. But I’m obligated, so here goes:

1) I’m more in love with my cat that any sane and semi-rational person should be. I’ve started, but never finished, many opuses (opusii?) to his gloriousness for this blog, but none of them have seen the light of day. Instead, I bombard Twitter with grainy cell phone pictures of him instead.

GAZE UPON HIS MAGNIFICENCE.

2) I’ve recently changed professions. After nearly 10 years of undergraduate study (shaddup) I’ve abandoned the notion that teaching is the right fit for me. Long story short, I’m too damned scared of the direction the education field is taking in the wake of No Child Left Behind to be even remotely happy as a teacher. I won’t tell you which field I’ve switched to (the need for my family’s privacy and all that jazz) but I will tell you that now, your teeth are the first thing I notice when I meet you. Just FYI.

3) I’ve never seen the first three (last three?) Star Wars movies start to finish. I’m sure this is inconceivable since I practically worship at the altar of books like the Song of Ice and Fire series by George R.R. Martin, but… yeah. I’ve seen bits and pieces of all three films, but I’ve never been able to force myself to sit through an entire showing of any of them. Sorry.

4) I have a nasty case of road rage. That’s not to say that I carry a concealed weapon to deal with the myriad of idiots that I encounter every day, but I do like to honk. A lot. I totally don’t feel sorry for that time I abused my horn to scold a certain clerical collar-wearing, Jesus-loving driver for cutting me off in a school zone. Think of the children, Father!

5) I’m fascinated by tacky lawn ornaments. If I was brave enough (and if Red would let me) (and if I didn’t think my landlord would evict me) I would totally have a flock of plastic pink flamingos planted in front of my house. Or zombie gnomes. Whichever.

If and when Home Depot decides to carry this work of art, it's totally mine.

6) I openly wept during the last twenty minutes of the final Harry Potter movie. And also during the scene in LOTR: Return of the King when Aragorn was all, “My friends, you bow to no one.” People shhhhhhhsed me and I didn’t give a damn. Fuck them.

7) I will not, for any reason, eat a hamburger or sandwich with raw, sliced tomatoes. And it’s totally genetic. Three out of five of my immediate family cannot stand tomatoes when they’re served raw like that. It’s just good science.

8) I have a well thought-out zombie apocalypse plan. Anyone who reads this blog regularly should not surprised. (PS: there are classes you can take in my hometown to teach you how to survive in the even that the undead arise. I’m not even kidding.)

9) I can count on one hand the number of times I have gone out into public without my toenails unpainted since I was 11 years old. Fact: Proper Southern ladies always have a good pedicure, even if no one will see her toes.

10) I have a double set of papercuts on my right index finger right now that makes typing really effing painful. I didn’t discover them until I was smearing acid-y condiments all over the childling’s hamburger tonight. Let me tell you how fun that was.

11) Tilda Swinton scares the shit out of me. I would not enjoy meeting that lady in a dark alley, despite the fact that I could totally pick her up and snap her in half like a toothpick if I needed to. She’s just… intimidating. Like what the I imagine the Queen of England would be like if she smoked a bad batch of weed and went all paranoid about the Ruskies or something.

So there you have it. 10 11 pieces of truthiness about someone you never wanted to know about. Now it’s your turn. Leave me a couple bits of trivia about YOU in the comments. This could be fun, y’all.

And also:

Clicky (And fast forward to 3:12, por favor)

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About Chelsie

Mommy. Beauty product whore. Plastic lawn flamingo enthusiast. Nosy neighbor. One day novelist.
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