63 Days

As a species, human beings are overwhelmingly voyeuristic. We love to exorcise our inner demons and forget about our own problems by watching other people’s lives go up in smoke. (See: the pop culture phenom FAILblog and any Japanese reality TV show.)

Reading about someone’s contentious divorce online is kind of like driving past a really nasty car wreck and wondering if an asshole talking on their cell phone caused it. That moment is a snippet in someone’s life, and the only reason you got to witness it was because you had a mean craving for Cheetos and happened to be headed to the grocery store at the same time TinyPurseDogLady got distracted and rammed her Escalade into the back of some poor sucker’s Ford Grenada.

These same kind of messy accidents in your personal life bring in readers almost as much as the penchant for writing about taxidermied vermin. Or maybe it’s more like how that magical cornfield brought all those frigging ghosts out of thin air. If you write it, they will come.

The main idea of this project is to post a picture with a short description every day for 63 days so people can drive by the toilet bowl that is your life and laugh at you. Since a lot of my life is already on the good ole  interweb (hello, complete strangers! Would you care to hear about my son’s recent potty training success?) this project just kind of slapped me in the face with it’s wang and said, “DO IT.”

Each day comes with a prompt for your picture:

Day 01 – A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 – A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
Day 03 – A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 – A picture of your night.
Day 05 – A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 – A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 – A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 – A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 – A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 – A picture of the person you do the most effed up things with.
Day 11 – A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 – A picture of something you love.
Day 13 – A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 – A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 – A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 – A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 – A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 – A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 – A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 – A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.
Day 21 – A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 – A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 – A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 – A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 – A picture of your day.
Day 26 – A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 – A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 – A picture of something you’re afraid of.
Day 29 – A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 – A picture of someone you miss.
Day 31 – A picture of you in your room
Day 32 – A picture with someone you don’t actually like
Day 33 – A picture with a former crush
Day 34 – A picture of you very drunk
Day 35 – A picture of your parents
Day 36 – A picture of you on your birthday/favorite holiday
Day 37 – The youngest picture of you in digital form
Day 38 – A picture of you in your favorite outfit
Day 39 – A picture of you making a goofy face at the camera
Day 40 – A picture of you showing off a new haircut
Day 41 – A picture you edited to make yourself look more attractive
Day 42 – A picture of 2 things you love
Day 43 – A picture of you truly being yourself
Day 44 – The most recent picture of you
Day 45 – A picture of you looking ridiculous
Day 46 – A picture of a time that is over but you wish wasn’t
Day 47 – A picture of a time that is over & you couldn’t be more happy it was
Day 48 – A picture with your oldest friend
Day 49 – A picture with your newest friend
Day 50 – A picture of a time you were anything but happy & trying to fake it
Day 51 – A picture you had no idea was being taken
Day 52 – A picture when you were a different person than you are now
Day 53 – A picture of you in a swimsuit
Day 54 – A picture of yourself that you like
Day 55 – A picture of yourself that you hate
Day 56 – A picture with someone you love
Day 57 – A picture of how you’d like the world to see you
Day 58 – A picture that describes how you’d like to spend everyday
Day 59 – A picture of a time when everything was changing
Day 60 – A picture that makes your heart hurt
Day 61 – A picture that makes your heart smile
Day 62 – A picture of one of the best days of your life
Day 63 – A picture of something important, something very important.

Obviously, I don’t have 63 unique pictures capturing each of these moments. But I do have my words, so I can sure as hell tell you about them.

*****

So here it is, Day 1, February 6, 2011. That means I need to post a picture of me with 15 facts.

1-I’m 5’6″ tall. My mom and dad are 5’10” and 5’9″, respectively, but I haven’t gotten any taller since the sixth grade. There goes my dream of being cast on America’s Next Top Model.

2-Red and I are in the very first stages of buying our own home. Home ownership is a scary prospect, particularly because a lot of the houses in our meager price range are in the geh-hetto of Bumblephuck.

3-I drive a 2003 Kia Optima I inherited from my mom. She doesn’t handle well in inclement weather (the car, not my mom–who can totally dig an entire hill out from the snow and ice when necessary), but she’s awfully cute. She doesn’t have a name (again, the car and not my mom) even though I’ve been driving her since January 2007.

4-I was born in Colorado. That means I’m a transplanted Southerner, but I don’t claim it. I’ve lived in the South for (gasp!) 20 years, and I’ve got the accent to prove it. I do not, however, manufacture meth in my mobile home, own a rebel flag, or use the word ‘ignert’ (adjective meaning ‘not smart’)  in every day conversation.

5-My biggest fear was always that I couldn’t have children. Three forms of birth control later, Boo took up residence in my uterus. My family is, ahem, unusually fertile.

6-If I could live anywhere in the United States, I would live right where I am. Family is the most important thing to me in the world, and a great deal of mine lives in a thirty mile radius. I don’t know what I would do without them. Plus, free babysitting on the rare occasion Red and I decide to go out on a date.

7-In my entire life, I’ve only traveled to 16 states: Colorado, Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Missouri, Texas, Kansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, Tennessee, New Jersey, and Massachusetts. I’ve also been to Italy and flown over Austria, Switzerland, France, Spain, and Portugal. (PS, Italian men really are that sexy.)

8-I’m an apologetic former Catholic–as much as that makes sense to anyone. I did not question the beliefs I was taught as a child until college, and I’ve never been able to look back since. Sadly, I cannot escape my latent Catholic guilt, and I often catch myself wondering if a particular sin is going to earn me a one way ticket to the Fiery Beyond.

9-I’m deathly allergic to Sulfonamides, and this is a recent development. In May 2010, I developed a sinus infection that lingered for over two weeks. I asked the doctor to prescribe me something, and she recommended Bactrim (“A good drug,” she claimed, “one that kills everything“), but it was a antibiotic I had never tried. Ten days later, I broke out in hives and suffered one of the most debilitating panic attacks of my life. Two days after that, my mouth and throat were so swollen that I could barely talk, and another doctor was throwing around very scary terms like “Steven-Johnson Syndrome” and “skin slippage”. Google it. I got lucky this time. If I ever receive any kind of Sulfa drug again, it’s likely to kill me.

10-I love cats, but after I had Boo, I had to send Mr. Kitty to live with my parents. You know, so he wouldn’t smother the baby and stuff. Since then, my dad has adopted Mistah–and (I kid you not) the cat gets pre-chewed meat and several hours of scheduled outdoor playtime every day. That cat is my dad’s fourth child.

11-I once stubbed my big toe and ripped half of my toenail off. (Front door + crappy flip flops + clumsiness = memories of arterial spray that no amount of Clorox can scrub away.)

12-My extended family is very, very large. It’s hard to count all of us. I’m hoping my wedding will be an excuse to get a good family picture.

13-I’m loud, but that’s another family trait. Hey, we’re Italian. And German! Wanna fight about it?

14-My first kiss was at age thirteen, and the boy in question nearly missed.

15-I secretly think Simon Pegg (and not-so-secretly) other men with British accents are sexy.

*****

Shout out to my friend Fallon in OKC, from whom I stole this project idea. (Hey Fallon! You’re pretty awesome, beeteedub.)